In the Pipeline finds fault with the US patent system: And Now for Something Completely Different
It's taken a team effort for things to come to this. Patent applicants have to write crummy applications; the patent office then does its part by granting way too many of them. And that leads up to this latest bolt of inspiration, whose examination by the PTO I would pay to witness. Prepare yourselves for US application 200400055535: "Process of Reincarnation."
The patent is really bad, which is all part of the fun:
Abstract: The invention consists of the process of reincarnation or rebirth resulting in immortality.
Description:  This invention resulted from my combining Einstein's Theory of Relativity and Newton's Second Law of Physics.
 Reincarnation is defined in Webster's Third New Inernational Dictionary as "rebith". Thus my invention is a process of rebirth or in other words immortality.